Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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