My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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