We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
