Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
