if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
