dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
