Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
