your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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