If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
