Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
