i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
