He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
