can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
