Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
You ever have a fart follow you around?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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