Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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