I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
