My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
