I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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