legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize