u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
