i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
