Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
