last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Randomize
