I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
