mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
