Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize