so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
