I don't usually arrange sex via text message
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
She said her name was "party"
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
