he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
