yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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