she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
