i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
