I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
