Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
