it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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