I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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