And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
