I met the friendliest cop last night
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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