My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
