The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
