I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
