I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
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