At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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