Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
