If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
