p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
