i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
