Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
