Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
The beers last night were like the tears from god
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
