I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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