So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
