you guys were way drunker than both of me
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
