I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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