I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
