so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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