You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Terrible idea I love it
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
