Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
