i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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