She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
