yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
