I'm really into asian looking animals
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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