haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize