Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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