At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
