New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
