CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
