drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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