Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
