What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
