i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
