is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
