Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
