Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
