theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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