All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
