this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
My bed smells like the plague
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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