I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
